16.3.03

It's astonishing how simple things can have such a positive effect on one's mood. Earlier this afternoon I was not feeling in the best of spirits, yet again managing to do absolutely nothing constructive with a day off work. This is something at which I've become quite adept in recent months, willing to let the world slip by. At times, I'm reluctant even to leave the flat without coercion.

That kind of attitude in a city like this is not healthy, as it carries with it a self-fulfilling prophesy of solitude - the more you withdraw from social interaction in London, the easier it is to get lost and lonely. Needless to say, this isn't conducive to a healthy state of mind by any kind of yardstick. But the gloom that was descending on me today was entirely symptomatic of that mindset.

My mood wasn't helped by the fact that ever since I got back from the States my bedroom's been in something of one itself. I've never really conformed to the tidiness ideal, but things have really slipped of late. The piles of papers and bags on my desk and the bedroom floor weren't helping cheer me up at all.

In seeking an activity that wouldn't require seeing or speaking to anyone else (for their benefit as much as mine), it struck me - more out of desperation than determination - that a little long overdue dusting would help take my mind off things.

But that initial reluctant trickle of domesticity just served to open the floodgates, and three hours later - with the much-needed help of Ben Folds - I have both a much tidier room and a much tidier mind. Granted, it's still probably far short of some people's marks, and I won't claim it's anything other than a work in progress, but given the fact that the hoover wasn't keen on putting the effort in, and that I still need far more bookshelves, I'm much happier both with my environment and in general. Not even Dubya's 24-hour diplomatic deadline could get bring me down.

Of course, I can't deny that after a good two years I'm beginning to feel stuck in something of a rut, and that I have to solve that somehow unless I want London to end up feeling like Manchester - although this seems to be much more of a personal rut than professional which makes it all the more hard to get out of. (There's much more blogging to come out of that, I can assure you.)

But the main point is that for today I'm feeling much happier. Now I just have to hope that they don't declare war before I'm due back in on Wednesday morning. Don't know about you, but I'm not holding my breath...

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