So I'm in the office chatting to The Woman about this and that, and she brings the conversation round to good hair/bad hair, whether men can tell the difference, and if I'd noticed that she was having a good hair day. Indeed, I tell her, entirely truthfully. She then goes on to tell me what she does with her hair at night, and develops this into what she wears to bed. Pyjamas, usually, and offers a description of various sets, asking whether I can picture her in them. I have to admit to her that I'm trying not to, it would compromise our professional relationship (omitting that I'd like to see said 'jamas and can I have a go at shagging her bandy). The Woman grins. Of course sometimes, she adds, it's too hot for pyjamas and she has to wear nothing. Very awkward moment. Not sure how to respond. Think about the war. Feel taunted.

Not that this matters, of course. I've decided this has been going on long enough, along with the two other girls at work. Time to do what I do best and smother the problem - the feelings, not the people.

Attraction dies pretty quickly if you cut off its oxygen of attention. I've done it plenty before, and while I usually don't even let people under my defences, I have done on this occasion, foolishly enough. I know I'm always happier if I don't want someone I can't have, and that's the way it's got to be. Nothing's beyond the power of the mind. Much easier not to find people attractive and be their friend. It might mean I feel lonely occasionally, but it's always been a price worth paying. Anyway, I've got family and friends. But you don't get hurt if you're not in the game, and that's the bottom line.

So hopefully you won't be hearing about Elf, Fencer and The Woman too much in future.