Not a good first birthday present received upon awakening.

According to widespread reports, Newcastle United are about to sign Lee Bowyer on a free from West Ham, possibly on a five-year contract.

I usually get excited about the acquisition of a new player. This one fills me with dread and despondency. Yes, the man was found not guilty of participation in a racist attack... but the air of questionable morality and enlightment has followed him throughout his career. He's also serving a six-match European ban for stamping on someone's head while playing for Leeds. In the words of Ann Widdecombe, he has "something of the night" about him.

I don't believe we need him. I know I don't want him. And I know I'm not alone.

Oh, and it's raining.

I hope that the rumours are untrue. I also hope today gets better than this.