Relationship Corner: Couples Counselling by the Single Man
What on earth is it that possesses couples to buy matching outfits? You know the kind I mean. Most commonly, they're to be found in the form of identical shell suits or mountaineering anoraks. All too often you'll see the smitten individuals, young and old, kitted out in congruent cagoules, wearing their lover's colours all too evidently on their sleeves. (The overall effect is usually amplified by the fact that these uniforms are often worn by people who look eerily similar, but that's beside the point.) Why do you think this is?

My guess is that these couples feel insecure about the differences between them. Maybe, they think, maybe if we present a unified front to the world, people will see that we have a strong relationship. The fact we're dressed alike will make us feel closer to each other. And folk will say, "Oh look! There go Brian and May. Their commitment to is obviously so deep that it permeates and moulds the very clothes they wear."

But they don't.

Okay, Phil's coat looks good. It's a nice coat. Indeed I considered buying it myself. But that doesn't mean Margaret should also wear one just like it. Seeing two of the same coat on a couple doesn't make it twice as good - it halves it. Treasure your partner's coat by all means. Even borrow it sometimes. But celebrate your individuality and confidence in the relationship by wearing something different from them. Cos baby - parallel parkas ain't cool. They're for sports teams, not life teams.

Some people have argued that alliteration/assonance or rhyming similarities between partner's names is equally awkward. But it's not. This isn't because I'm sensitive to the feelings of those friends who share initials with their beloved (although of course that's the case). It's because people don't have that much choice in whom they fall in love with.

The same unfortunately can't be said for outerwear. What makes your relationship special is what's inside the coat, not what colour it is.

Remember this, and bliss shall be yours forever.

However, maybe I'm being too harsh. If you decide to reject my teachings and your relationship can survive the resulting ridicule, well... you just might have something to treasure.

Ben's top tip for happiness (or shameless plug): See Punch Drunk Love. Adore it. It's a cinematic work of genius. Tell me I'm right. You know you want to.

To the young couple observed sporting matching macs on Hereford Road this evening: Without you, I'm nothing.