God, I hate football. Especially international football. Especially qualifiers. They're just too painful.

Why do I put myself through the torture of events like last night? Frankly, we sucked, at least in the first half. Having David James in goal never helps. What a liability. And having a donkey running the line and disallowing good goals like Lampard's does us no favours either.

But still it seems the better-placed they are and the less significant the opposition, the worse England want to play. Sure we can take on the genius of Latin America or the traditional superpowers of Europe, but throw us an eastern European minnow and it all goes to pot. Maybe the likes of Slovakia see playing us as the chance to topple a giant. Imbeciles. Okay, we won eventually, but we had to do it the hard way.

No wonder we bloody drink...