I'm wasting my life.

We get this extra day once every four years, and how do I choose to spend it?

Wake at 10, doze for two hours with the radio on, then up at midday. Channel hop for a couple of hours, returning every so often to bid-up tv.

The channel both fascinates and frightens me, and I'm fast getting hooked. Of course I never bid for the overpriced, garish tat they sell, but by golly watching the auctions is addictive. And with the wannabe star"auctioneers" closing every five minutes, it's always tempting to stay on for just one more lot. Am I sick?

Then two movies, one found channel-hopping (orang-utan kiddie flick Dunston Checks In), the other (critically acclaimed Hong Kong thriller Infernal Affairs) at the cinema, just to get me out of the flat. Guess which I enjoyed more.

I'm feeling in limbo, like I'm treading water. Maybe it's because however nice Charles' flat is, it's never really going to feel like home. It's not mine. But I'm nervous that this thing I'm buying will feel just the same way.

I need roots and structure quickly, as well as a good burst of adrenaline so I don't have to look for it on tacky TV auction channels.

I'm wasting my life.