In the absence of any real inspiration, let's reflect on the new Christmas number one.

As soon as I heard Gary Jules was in the running with his rendition of Mad World, it was the one I wanted to win. Not because of any great attraction to the song or the artist, but because it's so undeniably glum - the antithesis of the cheesy festive spirit and quasi-religious bollocks that usually dominate the charts at this time of year. If there's never another Cliff Richard number one as long as I live, it'll still be too soon. And the fact that the Pop Idols' cover of Merry Christmas War Is Over (surely in the poorest possible taste) was kept as low as No 5 is heartening.

But now I'm a little sad The Darkness were beaten to the prize by the Donnie Darko song.

Ever since my teens I've had a great aversion to the squealing, screaming, big-haired rock that pervaded the 80s - Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Heart, Europe and, of course, Hanoi Rocks, you know the kind - so I was less than happy to see it being revived. Except now, of course, I get that The Darkness are being less than serious about the whole deal.

Of course, they still have the melodramatic wailing vocals, and my key grumble of too many guitars (How many is too many? It can actually be as few as one. The key is how it's used and its prominence in the mix). But the power of post-modern irony had won me over.

And correctly judging the gravity of the situation, Justin Hawkins, Darkness poodle-rocker-in-chief, wasn't exactly magnanimous in defeat:

"We've learnt from our experience that you don't have to build up an entire campaign over a year. All you have to do is do a cover version at the end of the year and you can gazump everyone."

I can't help but warm to him after that. Why should he be gracious when he's had such an honour snatched away at the last minute?

I don't really know why I still care about the charts and who gets top spot at Christmas. After all, I gave up regularly listening to music radio several years ago, and can't stand most of what makes it big these days. It's mostly targeted at 16 to 24-year-old girls - and hopefully most people would agree I'm not one of those. But the club-lite and R&B oriented bilge that occupies most of the Top 40 really does feel like a personal affront.

I'm still drawn to TV pop shows like CD:UK (for reasons exceeding, but not excluding, the delightful Cat) and can't help feeling greatly aggrieved about the botch job done on Top of the Pops. It's been turned into a bad clone of its ITV rival, but fronted by a young boy of seemingly limited talent and charisma. And where's the chart music? I may not like it, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be deprived of the chance to moan about it. To be honest, the show's been on a gradual slide ever since they ditched Legs & Co.

Please stop me if I'm sounding too old. Actually, on second thoughts, don't. I'm having far too much fun.

Blighty's yuletide chart-topper is, and always has been, a matter to be taken seriously - arguably more than anywhere else in the world.

To paraphrase the puppy people, a Christmas number one is for life, not just for, err, Christmas.